Making Senator Craig cry like a little girl — and lovin' it.
An Imagined Conversation Between Senator Ted Cruz, Lucifer, and Adolf Hitler
Cruz: You gonna eat all them Mastodon fetuses, Hitler?
Hitler: Ja ja ja.
Cruz: Well, it's not fair.
Lucifer: Hell isn't fair, k?
Hitler: (laughs and throws a Mastodon fetus skull he's picked clean right at Cruz.
Cruz: Knock it off Hitler!
Lucifer: You all act like children. When lunch is over I still expect the sulfur pits cleaned.
Cruz: I'm unafraid of hard work.
Hitler: (stands and dances a Hitler jig) Ja!
Cruz: Fuck hell. So stupid.
Lucifer: That's the attitude! Git'r Dun!
Hitler: Gitten Der Done!
Cruz: Jesus H. Christ on a Single Payer System!
(all of hell grows instantly silent)
Lucifer: (sobs) That was uncalled for! (storms off his big leathery wings drooping in despair)
Hitler: (Points at Cruz) Fucktarden!
Cruz: Poor people don't need affordable care they need to go to hell!