Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
An Imagined Conversation Between Senator Ted Cruz, Lucifer, and Adolf Hitler
Cruz: You gonna eat all them Mastodon fetuses, Hitler?
Hitler: Ja ja ja.
Cruz: Well, it's not fair.
Lucifer: Hell isn't fair, k?
Hitler: (laughs and throws a Mastodon fetus skull he's picked clean right at Cruz.
Cruz: Knock it off Hitler!
Lucifer: You all act like children. When lunch is over I still expect the sulfur pits cleaned.
Cruz: I'm unafraid of hard work.
Hitler: (stands and dances a Hitler jig) Ja!
Cruz: Fuck hell. So stupid.
Lucifer: That's the attitude! Git'r Dun!
Hitler: Gitten Der Done!
Cruz: Jesus H. Christ on a Single Payer System!
(all of hell grows instantly silent)
Lucifer: (sobs) That was uncalled for! (storms off his big leathery wings drooping in despair)
Hitler: (Points at Cruz) Fucktarden!
Cruz: Poor people don't need affordable care they need to go to hell!